Running Away From Grace!

So it has been a while since I last wrote. O.k. maybe it has not been awhile,

but a considerable amount of time has elapsed since my finger stroked the keyboard. This past weekend I enjoyed spending time with my church family in the Adirondacks. I was not sure how I would like camping, but I just happened to love it! Lately, it has been kind of stressful. I have so many decisions to make, but I can't make them because I haven't got that

answer I was telling you guys about. I hate to sound like a baby, but I've been so stressed that I've started to have really bad headaches. I know that I shouldn't stress, but I should pray. My flesh or sin nature doesn't want to pray. In my pride, I want to figure things out on my own. The truth is that I know I'm running again. It makes sense why I always use to take walks or leave and run outside when things got bad. Honestly, I hate conflict. I would rather hide away and mind my own business then face things sometimes. So I believe that I've been running lately. If I just ignore the problem, I don't have to deal with it. However, I'm learning that this only causes more hurt then it does fixing. If you dig a little deeper, I think we may fear conflict because we don't want to disappoint people. Some of us are slaves to pleasing people. What a terrible place to find yourself. When you become a slave to pleasing people, eventually you'll do almost anything to please to avoid any confrontation. I don't want that life. I know deep down I want to deal with a lot. I know that I can't though. This brings me to Sunday. My pastor has been preaching through Hebrews. It's been quite a while since he started, but to his credit the book is full of wonderful truths of the Saviour Jesus Christ. Currently, we are in Hebrews 12. In Hebrews 12:15a Paul through the Holy Spirit says, "See to it that no one v fails to obtain the grace of God." Whoa! Stop, and think about this for a second! How are we failing to obtain the grace of God? In the context of the passage, Paul is admonishing believers not the unsaved. (you should still study it out! :-) ) So how do we fail to obtain God's grace? Well, each day we find ourselves with many cumbersome tasks and difficult decisions. Sometimes, we know there is something that God is leading us to do, yet we can't bring ourselves to do it. We looks horizontally at ourselves instead of vertically at God. We fail the grace of God because we simply do not receive it by asking God for it. I don't want to run away anymore. I'm tired of running. I'm scared to face some things, some people, and some difficult decisions. Yet, I need not fear because God has promised me grace to make it through as long as I'm living and breathing. So what's been giving you a headache lately? What are you running from? Don't run away from grace!

When I Wait

What then are we to do about our problems? We must learn to live with them until such time as God delivers us from them...we must pray for grace to endure them without murmuring. Problems patiently endured will work for our spiritual perfecting. They harm us only when we resist them or endure them unwillingly.

A. W. Tozer

Patience, some say it's a virtue; others say it's torture to learn. I guess I can see myself somewhere in the middle. Have you heard the funny story of the husband and wife? The husband says, "Honey, I prayed that the Lord would give you patience with the children today. The wife tenderly yet sarcastically responds, "Oh, that is explains everything!" I'm not a very patient person. I'll have to admit that I don't enjoy learning patience either.Lately, God is teaching me to wait upon him. I don't have a steady job right now. Currently, I'm doing odd jobs. However, I have three job opportunities that I can't move forward with until a certain decision is made that is out of my control. I've never faced a situation like this before. Up until this point, I did what I was told to do. My pastor encouraged me to attend Northland, so with much prayer I stepped out on faith,went to school, and had one of the most memorable years of my life. Another example, my parents told me to apply at a certain place to work, so I did it. You may think that that characterizes a weak person. Perhaps, you are right. However, I didn't know what was always the best thing for me in the past, and I'm glad looking back that I didn't always do what I wanted to do. Only God knows where I would be if I did. Now, I'm here in this place. I don't have a steady job, I don't have money to pay for school, and I'm waiting on God. I never liked to wait. Waiting for things always made me nervous or scared. Honestly, I guess we fear waiting because we aren't in control of the situation. It takes a lot of faith and courage to take God at His Word and trust Him.

This past week I found myself fretting. For the first time, I had no idea what was going to happen to me. I asked God to just give me an answer. Well, I didn't exactly get the answer that I wanted. I remember thinking there goes my plans. I'm never going to finish school on my schedule. Then, I was greatly convicted. I remember grabbing my Bible and reading through Romans 12. The chapter has a lot to do with genuine Christianity. The verse that stuck out to me the most was Romans 12:12. This verse says, "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." How rebuking! I was so busy looking at the earthly circumstances. My affections were set on things that were and are in constant change. In the past week, I have learned a little about what it means to trust God. When we trusted Christ as Saviour, the prayer we prayed didn't save us. It was trusting in what Christ all ready did on the cross to save us. Now, I know that I can wait. It may not be pleasant for me. Honestly, waiting might be one of the most painful things we do in this life. Yet, I can wait now because I am trusting that my God knows better for me than I do. I can talk to Him about it all. I trust that whatever He's doing in my life is for my good and more importantly His glory. I am resting in these truths and have never experienced peace and comfort like I have now. God is so good!

So, I'm waiting patiently with His help on some answers. What things are you waiting for? Instead of fretting, trust the God who loves you completely, and who changes not! God may have something extra special to teach you during this time! Claim the victory in Him! Much LOVE :-)

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."--Jean Jacques Rousseau"

"Patience is the companion of wisdom."--Saint Augustin

Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith.

Adel Bestavros

Cheap Imitations

"God offers authentic love. His devotion is the real deal. But He won't give you the genuine until you surrender the imitations." - Max Lucado

Happy Thursday to any of you who take your time to follow me. Wednesday was quite a profitable day. I registered for classes at a local community college. I'll be working on obtaining a Business Administration Degree and Teacher's Aid Certificate. My situation is rather comical. Life isn't turning out exactly how I planned. I guess I could be depressed about it, or I could trust that God has a plan. I know if I love Him, He promises in His Word to work out things for good to conform me to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29). This brings me to the book pictured at the top of the post. Max Lucado has written a wonderful book called, "A Love Worth Giving." Each chapter focuses on one verse of Paul's description of genuine Christ-centered love in 1 Corinthians 13. I'm only to chapter four and have learned so much all ready. I definitely recommend this book. Lately, I have been so challenged with the concept of contentment. We live in a world that truly believes that money can buy happiness. Constantly, I hear these words. "If only I had those blank, I would be happy." You fill in the blank. We've all been there. Life can get so stressful that we run to the next thing that will give us any happiness or pleasure. Even for one second, maybe we could forget the pain that runs so deeply within our hearts. However, the rush is temporary. Sooner or later, we find ourselves back to wanting more. I definitely struggle with this problem. A lot of times, I find myself desperately wanting to live the life of the rich and famous. Wouldn't it be nice to swipe my debit card and have no worries? Don't get me wrong that would be fantastic! Yet, I know that it wouldn't be enough. Furthermore, our contentment issues may not even be in the form of money. Sometimes, we look for completeness in people. We find ourselves striving to please everyone. For once, we want that good looking guy or girl to look our way. I have heard so many girls say something in the form of these words, "Once Mr. Right comes along, all my problems in life will be solved." On a side note, I feel for guys out there. In the words of one of my guy friends that I highly respect he said, "Girls put a lot of pressure on us. They think we are their white knight from the movies. We have cracks in our armor. We are aren't going to get it all right." I have a lot to say on that topic. I'll leave the rest of my thoughts for another blog. Anyways, even with Mr. or Mrs Hansom the feeling will never completely satisfy. I can personally testify to that. In themselves, these things are not evil. They are simply imitations of love as Lucado was saying. I am learning that I cannot truly experience the goodness of my God until I'm willing to lay aside the limitations and accept his love. At times, I long desperately for earthly love, but I don't want that love until I'm lost in the love of Christ. Contentment is a hard teacher. I believe it is something I'll battle the rest of my life. However, I can't explain the peace that God has given me since I started being grateful for the daily provisions. When was the last time, we said thank-you God. Who knows the burdens He bears for us that we don't even think about? For just once, let us lay aside the cheap imitations and get lost in the genuine love of God that isn't circumstantial. Hasta Luego :-)

A New Horizon

Life has been rather crazy lately. I feel like I've been dragged from one thing to the next. Thankfully, I haven't lost my mind. Currently, I'm listening to "We'll Be a Dream" by Demi Lovato. Honestly, I could listen to music all day; it inspires me. Sometimes, I can't put my feelings into words, but I can relate with a song. When I was little, I was determined to be a musician. I used to have concerts for the family. May God bless them. I used to sing everywhere. All I wanted to do was sing sing sing. As I got older, I started to write songs. I wanted to sing music that people could relate with. However, I'm not so good at singing in front of people. The shower is where i'll stay. I read a good quotation today in a book. It said, "The 'haves' and the 'have nots' are usually related to the 'did and the did nots'." Those words made me think a lot. God gives us life as a gift. The days of my life are numbered. I don't want to sit back and let the bad experiences cripple me from savoring every moment of life. I don't want my fears to control my every move. Maybe, it is o.k. to not know everything I want to be right now. Maybe, I need to start being who God created me to be? It is so hard to let go of the past. We want to much to see those who have hurt us to see and experience that pain we've been through. However, the bitterness only chains us to the past. We live every day reliving the hurt, the memories, and the regret. I've been there. I may have not shown it on the outside, but inside I looked at people with disdain. I was and am wrong. At some point, you have to let go. You have to let go of it all and lay it at the feet of Jesus. If you don't, you just live each day in bondage. Do you think we don't let go because we fear we will never have anything else? I believed that lie. We cannot live in freedom with 18 bags of luggage chained to our bodies. Moving on has been a scary process for me. I'm transferring to a new school, working a new job, entering a new stage of life. However, it could be one of the most amazing times that God gives me. Progress takes effort. I'm making an effort to move forward and embrace what life I have left.

Letting Go and Letting God

I'm starting a blog today. I don't know why. I'm not so good with them, but I need a place to write. I can't hold it all inside anymore. Summer has finally arrived, but it's not what I expected. I always want something exciting to happen. I want to learn something new. I want to take an adventure. However, days pass and nothing ever changes. It's been more of an emotional trip than anything. It's hard coming home after being away for a year. Reconnecting with your friends and family is a challenge. But, I will never regret going away. Northland International University, a bible college in WI, was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. At first, I didn't want to go back. Honestly, I don't know if I want to still. However, I do know this. I took Northland for granted. I take a lot for granted. I had one year to study the Bible, run away with God, and meet people who have forever placed a stamp on my life. I thank each of you. You pushed me closer to God ,and you pushed me to keep going forward. I'm almost in tears writing this. I'm going to miss you all so much. This is life though. I have no money. The government is taking the majority of what my family makes. I don't know what I"m going to do with myself being home for a year. I'm scared. I don't want to end up a screw up. I don't want to fail. I don't want to be a nothing. I don't know what to do. A still small voice whispers to me Proverbs 3:5-6. God help me to trust you. Help me to let you lead. This summer I want to write. I want to write about what I experience. I want to tell of the moments that I'll never forget with the people who will always have a place in my heart. I want to be me. I don't want to be anyone else. I want to dare 2 summer.